the beginning and the always

Well, the always is in the sink. It's more dishes, and as soon as those somehow get plowed through, there are more. And you know our house, we only eat at the table, and at the counter (pretty much, except that we have a sick person tray for bringing food all the way 8 feet to the couch...) and it's in the washer, or near it. and this is the official beginning of me recording the process anyway, of our house getting remodeled and though it started in February, shortly after my rant, when I called our long-suffering architect ...AGAIN... but also called the money people and we pretty much got our finances where we wanted them, with a few little exceptions, and then. We designed, through a very civilized and inspired process, more space for our family here on the corner. No, still no basement. no, no extra room (three bedrooms altogether). no, we aren't going out the back. No, we're not going straight up all the way around. we have a lovely, dignified, fitting design for our house with a second floor. There will be two bathrooms up there, and the kitchen is going unchanged. (but i get a new oven fan) then, once we had the design, and we had the yes from the money people, and we finally chose the contractor, then he brought all the drawings down to the city, and now we are waiting. But not worrying, now we have other things to do. Like grovel, and beg people to give us a short term lease, with a dog. I haven't had such a strange feeling as I did, the first time I realized that we were the least likely folks to get rentals! all this time I've been romanticizing the renting process.... no responsibility, no major money commitment, the ability to leave when you want! and none of the other things, like, you are at the mercy of people charging LOTS of money for hovels, and refusing you outright as a contender because of your most fabulous dog. Do not get me started on my fixation with bedbugs. i took pictures of the rental we are thinking of, and drove around the block. Rowan spied another (much nicer looking) place with a for Rent sign out front! (yes, he reads!) and so I took a pic of that too. Hopefully we can figure out how we'll do all this money thing. ah, details. ISO: a place that is smaller than ours and with a big garage so we don't have to pay for a storage place too. near our actual house. big yard, and tolerance for shedding. good counter for cooking. please no electric stove. off to liberate the pesto from the basil leaves the boys harvested. -s

How does she do it?

You know my favorite blogger, right? She's got that tender, loving fabulous food blog that also touches on things family and important. Well, I don't know how she does that, reliably at that. There are things I am reliable at. I reliably get my kids food. I reliably show up for work, except in the case of sick kids or snowstorms shutting down school. I reliably avoid cleaning most things, especially the bathroom, even at the risk of alienating my friends who prefer bathrooms that aren't totally disgusting. And here, the third time in a row, in February, I am now desperate for more room in our house. two years ago, in February, and Two years before that, in february, I called the architect who we want to design our dream raleigh house. And it is taking all of my strength to not call him again, this february until we can actually HIRE him!!! I am dreaming of a sick room. Where I put my family members (who I love very much) but who are sick, and need to be somewhere else but in our one and only room, on our one and only couch....which is also in our kitchen... I am dreaming of a work space for my dh, who was hopping on a conference call sitting on our bed. because there are no surfaces devoid of crap for him to set his laptop on. (and no doors to close to shut out misc. noise.) I am dreaming of a space large enough to lay a yoga mat down, where our arms don't hit furniture in sun salute. I am dreaming of a place to demand my international friends come and stay in... at our house for free! who cares about bedroom space!!! although that's exactly what we're planning. places with doors, and quiet floors, and room for legos and bookshelves. And a place to hang the map of colorado that is bigger than any of our walls. ah, the february rant. the one where its cold, snowy and our house in all its glory is more than halved by the weather. you never hear me talking about space in August. Because we have it! and a kitchen garden! and play room galore! and light til 8 or 9! Here's what I see about small houses. They work perfectly for those who don't have: a social life, extended family they want near them friends who live far away OR they work perfectly for those folks whose close family and friends... HAVE BIG HOUSES! and i am beginning to see that the car issue is quite similar. if you have a big house, you may only use a portion of your house most of the time, but then... when it's needed, it expands to give a quiet place for visiting grandparents... and if you have a big car, when your friend needs you pick up their two kids too, YOU ARE ABLE because there is extra room in your car! There you have it, rant of the day, when I am feeling smothered by sick kids and traveling spouse, and Bingo. and yet another round of head lice warnings from school. And even. in the midst of all this. I realize with great clarity how unbelievably lucky we are. to be safe, warm and provided for. to be loved and to be loving. And how grateful I am for this. which makes me think... we certainly don't need a second floor or more seats in our car! We already have everything we need! and now you see how the go-round goes round.

obsession in a glass jar

So I know I haven't posted since May, and I keep thinking that I may be able one day to post here more, I think it's a combination of all of my insecurities in one place. I have a decent amount of embarassment about the types of things I write about after a few years, and I also have a good amount of paranoia that I will be "found" either out there in ye olde internet search world--and that my words will be used against me. Most likely in a job situation. I have tried to avoid conversation about things work-related and keep myself quite neutral on FB, but you know... you never know. YET. My favorite blog is by this woman who writes her life, posts it and shares it with me. I cry reading her blog, and nod knowingly as if we are actually having a conversation when she tells me about car snacks. I share her love of food. I am so grateful that she throws her beautiful self out there to the digital unknown, and that I found her. So what does that have to do with the fact that I haven't posted in five months? well, not much. except that I got a new computer, and while I cannot promise a single picture, b/c I haven't figured that particular thing out yet, I can actually be logged into two accounts and don't need to wait an average of fifteen minutes for a page to load and then hold my breath between keystrokes so as to not overwhelm my bloated, non-functioning-always needing some update-monster of a computer. Now when I turn on my laptop, it magically turns ON! The thing that I am mostly doing is food. I am trying to get as much of the fresh food into our bodies and all the rest of it into a form that we can eat all winter, when there aren't vegetables piled on every surface as they are all summer long. Currently roasting a pan of tomatoes and getting ready to make some applesauce, pesto and potato soup. lots of potatoes to get through, and yet when they are gone, I feel inexplicably lonely. A good potato is the most understated thing, and yet, the most tasty. off to try and fit in one recipe between now and picking up my big first grader. His little brother has a terrible cough and has been home for three days. I have been mostly arms reach from him, all day and night.

Almost a year ago

Here is a picture from June 4, 2010. It's the best we've got of us, though I think the second one really says it all. "We made it, and I am very tired." :) I love the work I'm doing, and I am actually a librarian. It's such an amazingly good job. I don't know if I knew that it could really happen a year ago. It's nice that I can do a very simple a then b sort of progression, when that's not what ACTUALLY happened, but is what's important. A toast to continuation!

Continuation then Field Day

Our son has left Kindergarten, and is moving on to first grade. It feels like he was just born! Luckily we have the summer to get used to this thought, and to hold him tight (when he lets us).
Milo luckily has two more years in his classroom, but I'm sure I'll be just as shocked when HE's the one with the cute white cap on.
The kids sang, and then their teachers shook their hands and moved the little tassel over to the other side. It was just like a year ago when I graduated!! Tom and Pat took all the pics, and promptly sent me a cd of them. I completely forgot, and have posted or printed not a single one!
The last day of school was field day, and the best part was the last part: tug of war with the teachers! it was very very cute, and the kids won! We are so thankful to this school for how easy it has been to love the teachers and the beautiful way they are helping our boys unfold as people. We are tremendously blessed.

all that unsaid stuff

Yes, I know, we fell off the blogging wagon for a good many months, and although I wrote tomes during that time, none of it is fit for the public sphere. Suffice it to say that my initial foray into the workforce was exceedingly difficult for a multitude of reasons, and all miscellaneous activities besides surviving fell off the map.
We are all on the mend, and not much worse for the wear from such a stressful run. I found different work that suits me much better, and ironically, tomorrow, Rowan will get an actual, gaudy soccer trophy. And since I've covered that topic already, and my feelings haven't changed, the only good thing to do is probably give the garden report.
HENS: 3 in good health and still laying (one having died)
Main garden bed: planted with two rotations of lettuce, some spinach, kale, and broccoli, peas and four lovely tomatoes from master gardener Frankie. Corn, beans and other things on the way.
Two new mini beds, housing a boys garden with "CARROTS!" and lots of calendula, some peas, who knows what else is in there. oh radishes.
and the other housing two zucchini plants which I hope will fill my need for many zucchini pancakes and bisque and fried zucchini, and sautes with pesto.

Rich in the morning, rich in the evening

As we drove back from R's last soccer game today, we were waiting at a light near our house. I got the wits scared out of me as a woman with a child about 8 years old came right to my window. She asked me for money to buy eggs and milk and bread -- i could buy them -- she just didn't have any food. She was standing right in the middle of the street holding this young girl's hand, in the rain. While I tried to quiet my heart, the light turned green, and I told her to get to the sidewalk, it wasn't safe for her to be in the street. She apologized, and went to the curb. I drove home. I watched her watch me drive away. I walked in the back door, and there were my three large bags full of bread, english muffins and buns for the soccer party tomorrow, and that I buy every few weeks and throw in the freezer from the Oroweat outlet. I buy the whole wheat bread there, though I know it's not the best- it's the best they make. (ironically called Best !!)
I took two loaves, some english muffins, two oranges, and and looked around our house. We didn't have very much of any quantity to give her, but for once I had cash in my wallet. I left the boys with George, got back in the car and drove back to the intersection. Damned if the two of them weren't sitting right where I told them to go, and were waiting for me.
I got out of the car, and the girl said she knew I was coming back, while the mom said, "see, there ARE good people in the world!" I gave her the bag of bread, and the 13 dollars I had, to buy milk and eggs. I said that I hoped she would find other ways to support herself, and she said she had applied for all kinds of assistance, but was waiting -- and had nothing to eat.
I drove away in my warm car, and hoped it helped at least a little. We are overflowing with so much here on the corner, I am constantly grateful for the abundance in our lives.
Even after visiting our friends who have a very. big. house. with all sorts of wonderful things in it, I can still feel that we are so fortunate to be exactly where we are. In our sturdy walls, with our little family safely inside and lots of food to fill our bellies.