So I just got the info on R's first soccer game. And I'm all in a tizzy, which I must work out before I have to actually talk to anyone. But a cursory search brought me this very post.
http://www.mommasaid.net/mommablog/2009/08/31/lets-stop-giving-trophies-just-for-showing-up/
I can't do the trophy thing. Why do I always have to be the one who sounds like the asshole? In Spring, r's first season, I felt so lucky to be on one of those teams where the kids go to the games (where they don't keep score) and then they finish going to those games and carry on to the next fun thing. And now, new coach, new plan, 6 dollars for a showing up trophy that represents many things that I don't agree with.
I have read too much Alfie Kohn. I have too much of an idea of intrinsic motivation, I am admittedly inept at any and all team sports, I am a crazy mother who wants trophies to make sense. I have a friend who wrote a damn thesis on motivation for her Masters in Education.
The real problem isn't my views. If you know me at all, you know that I generally wander from the main line, and I negotiate the world in a fairly healthy way. But the thing is, that I also just want to be friendly with pretty much most people I meet, and I also have a pretty deep need to be liked. Even by strangers, but moreso by people I know.
And I don't think I'm the only one who equates "agreeing" and being likeable and then of course "disagreeing" as the very unlikeable way to be.
So now, is there a likeable way of disagreeing? there must be, for someone with way more social finesse than I have. For now I will be quiet and think. I will try my damndest to feel it all out, and then see what happens. I've been working on this. And now, you can see, that you have not been spared my late-night writing--but have been thrown right in the damn middle of it.
Don't even get me started on the furniture in the living room so that I can deal with our new TV.
Even without late-night canning I am still awake at 11. Hrmph.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Up and running
Well, we did it. by some stretch of a miracle, both boys got into the school I was sure they needed to be at (despite pretty large odds) and I found a job that fits the best it possibly could into the space that school for the boys has made.
I spent many sleepless nights writing obsessively in my journal (you were spared) and many days obsessively searching library jobline (again) and then my other scattered moments trying to figure out how to reconcile a career with this job of raising our children.
I think that this task that all of us, but especially mothers are asked to do -- is to walk on a tightwire. Between getting swallowed up somewhere, or somehow managing to make a space that holds us true. I know that having children can swallow up some folks. and others it sort of maybe feels more like suffocation. I heard a small piece on NPR which was the recordings of kids moving into their new places to live for school starting... the older students moving to a new apartment, and then... the freshmen, with their moms. Saying goodbye, and trying to make sense of this new phase.
One of the moms said point blank that she needs her kids more than they need her, and another was so glad to be seeing this day of goodbye. It's the whole spectrum of how we do parenting, and how we have these relationships in our lives...
It was extra powerful for me, listening to those kids and moms--having just dropped the boys off at school, and made my way straight home... to do... something, everything, nothing!
How can I do all three simultaneously?
After finishing school, and having a crazy wild fabulous summer of all sorts of events and unusual happenings, I think the boys are big fans of knowing what the hell they will be doing when the wake up, and where they will be doing it. I for one am trying to figure out how to have my work, keep up with the Friday folders, volunteering, lunches, and time frames oh yeah, and feed us all. Even with G's help, it's a lot for us both. Last night, apple sauce. Canning at midnight is much harder with the 6am wakeup, that is for sure. I can say it is such satisfying work though, to be cooking something that will fill our bellies when there is no apple growing in this state for the next 9 months.
Soccer is gearing up again for R and G. that means... practice Friday night, game for R sat, game for G sun.
Doesn't that feel like a lot of soccer to you? I'm really of half a mind to not sign the kids up for anything, even really fun stuff, because it just means more running around. and then our eating together gets all crammed up, and we are more strung out. Luckily, this is only 10 weeks, and then I mean it--nothing else!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Garden upgrade
Last year, in addition to a chicken coop and dual part compost bin, George built a second raised bed for gardening. we planted it with five corn kernels, dry beans and a yellow pear tomato plant, along with a row of sunflowers.
The tomato plant went gonzo, and took over almost the entire bed, and three of the corn stalks grew. the beans were not particularly successful really, and in general, the sunflowers were the most prolific of the bed.
In the other bed, I didn't plant any squash, but some volunteers came up, and i was excited about them, and for the first year, I planted zinnias (and some marigolds) and the flowers were stunning. The silly squashes turned out to be gourds, and even after two plantings, no green beans came up. so our "food" garden was mostly inedible, with exception of the basil... which we didn't grow enough of-- our pesto store went away almost by christmas, and that is about six months short of what we need.
So this year, I'm going to try and get FOOD out of this garden. Not like we don't have tons rolling in from Monroe Farms (thank goodness) but it is nice to pull some salad greens from outside (I've heard) and I would like to learn how to grow some greens mostly.
the boys spend a lot of time harvesting worms for the chickens. can this negatively affect my soil? I hope not.
We're going to redo the timber around the big one now that it's literally falling apart, so i'm off to find some beetle kill wood. pictures to follow of the progress. so far, already peas, spinach, butterhead lettuce and some mesclun growing... even through our mid may snow.
The tomato plant went gonzo, and took over almost the entire bed, and three of the corn stalks grew. the beans were not particularly successful really, and in general, the sunflowers were the most prolific of the bed.
In the other bed, I didn't plant any squash, but some volunteers came up, and i was excited about them, and for the first year, I planted zinnias (and some marigolds) and the flowers were stunning. The silly squashes turned out to be gourds, and even after two plantings, no green beans came up. so our "food" garden was mostly inedible, with exception of the basil... which we didn't grow enough of-- our pesto store went away almost by christmas, and that is about six months short of what we need.
So this year, I'm going to try and get FOOD out of this garden. Not like we don't have tons rolling in from Monroe Farms (thank goodness) but it is nice to pull some salad greens from outside (I've heard) and I would like to learn how to grow some greens mostly.
the boys spend a lot of time harvesting worms for the chickens. can this negatively affect my soil? I hope not.
We're going to redo the timber around the big one now that it's literally falling apart, so i'm off to find some beetle kill wood. pictures to follow of the progress. so far, already peas, spinach, butterhead lettuce and some mesclun growing... even through our mid may snow.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
see?
Already I'm more present here! :) and I'm recovering from school too, as the weeks go on.
An update: The boys got spaces in the school I wanted for them. I don't know exactly how, some miracle, some good chance- with Milo being younger and that being the opening class. I feel so glad to know and am now working on how we'll become a family with two kids in school all day. It has snuck up on me (and early b/c of Milo's program that is only offered 8-2:50) and I try to imagine us having so much less choice about what we do when we wake up. I don't say this lightly, and I know that many families don't have the luxury of what we've had these past years here. But today the boys were playing making an ocean on the window sill and I thought about how hard it is to make sure that they have time to decide what to do next.
this documentary came out last week here, and I think it may be talking about this same topic at a much larger level. http://www.racetonowhere.com/trailer I didn't get to see it yet.
we have a snow covered yard today, in mid may! And there are crazy things afoot. Today the comcast person comes to install cable to our new television. ! yes, we have spent our last ten or more years without television.
but cable + TV = less money than tickets to South Africa
and both George and I enjoy visual media, it's just not a very high priority.
We also have enjoyed avoiding so much commercialism and violence (which are in large amounts on tv and cable), for ourselves and our boys.
Yet. I'm reading this book called "Raising Financially Fit Kids" which talks about teaching our children how to be responsible with money, and that is through practice and experience in making decisions and living with the consequences.
These are the same things we do as parents in all areas of life, help our children find out in the gentlest ways possible that certain things aren't great ideas.
I feel like it's about time to model the kinds of behavior we think is healthy with the TV too. Choosing not to watch TV when there isn't one isn't a very active choice, but having it, and still opting to read, play outside, ride our bikes, work on our projects, use our computers for other things, and generally carry on instead of watching it seems to be a bit more active modeling.
We all have different tolerance levels for screen time, and different values for what it's for and I have no beef with television watching any more than I have a beef with vegetarianism (to use a terrible metaphor!). It's just what makes us interesting and different-to have different focus and intent with our lives and the way we raise our kids.
An update: The boys got spaces in the school I wanted for them. I don't know exactly how, some miracle, some good chance- with Milo being younger and that being the opening class. I feel so glad to know and am now working on how we'll become a family with two kids in school all day. It has snuck up on me (and early b/c of Milo's program that is only offered 8-2:50) and I try to imagine us having so much less choice about what we do when we wake up. I don't say this lightly, and I know that many families don't have the luxury of what we've had these past years here. But today the boys were playing making an ocean on the window sill and I thought about how hard it is to make sure that they have time to decide what to do next.
this documentary came out last week here, and I think it may be talking about this same topic at a much larger level. http://www.racetonowhere.com/trailer I didn't get to see it yet.
we have a snow covered yard today, in mid may! And there are crazy things afoot. Today the comcast person comes to install cable to our new television. ! yes, we have spent our last ten or more years without television.
but cable + TV = less money than tickets to South Africa
and both George and I enjoy visual media, it's just not a very high priority.
We also have enjoyed avoiding so much commercialism and violence (which are in large amounts on tv and cable), for ourselves and our boys.
Yet. I'm reading this book called "Raising Financially Fit Kids" which talks about teaching our children how to be responsible with money, and that is through practice and experience in making decisions and living with the consequences.
These are the same things we do as parents in all areas of life, help our children find out in the gentlest ways possible that certain things aren't great ideas.
I feel like it's about time to model the kinds of behavior we think is healthy with the TV too. Choosing not to watch TV when there isn't one isn't a very active choice, but having it, and still opting to read, play outside, ride our bikes, work on our projects, use our computers for other things, and generally carry on instead of watching it seems to be a bit more active modeling.
We all have different tolerance levels for screen time, and different values for what it's for and I have no beef with television watching any more than I have a beef with vegetarianism (to use a terrible metaphor!). It's just what makes us interesting and different-to have different focus and intent with our lives and the way we raise our kids.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
new tactic
I like almost everything that google does, except that for crazies like me who have more than one address, i cannot be in any programs for the one, if i have the other open.
This has caused a big problem with this blog, since it is in the OTHER account that doesnt have my email, calendar, and reader... and means that I barely ever get here!
so anywho. that's my story and anyway, We survived!
I passed comps, and my Place exam (for teacher licensure) and managed to almost miss signing up for graduation, except for a well timed reminder to "opt in" to the graduation ceremony on the very final day. That would have been something, huh? to do everything else, but not go into a specific page and press the "yes" button for actual attendance to the ceremony!
Today it's may 12 and we're preparing for snow (!) so i cut down almost all of my glorious irises and now they are looking like a decadent arrangement in the living room.
What to do about my favorite lilac bushes? I only got one or two blooms to stand next to and huff over and over, trying to bring that scent inside of me. Lilacs are so heavenly.
This has caused a big problem with this blog, since it is in the OTHER account that doesnt have my email, calendar, and reader... and means that I barely ever get here!
so anywho. that's my story and anyway, We survived!
I passed comps, and my Place exam (for teacher licensure) and managed to almost miss signing up for graduation, except for a well timed reminder to "opt in" to the graduation ceremony on the very final day. That would have been something, huh? to do everything else, but not go into a specific page and press the "yes" button for actual attendance to the ceremony!
Today it's may 12 and we're preparing for snow (!) so i cut down almost all of my glorious irises and now they are looking like a decadent arrangement in the living room.
What to do about my favorite lilac bushes? I only got one or two blooms to stand next to and huff over and over, trying to bring that scent inside of me. Lilacs are so heavenly.
Friday, April 2, 2010
that's all folks
the only news is that we have to wait more for everything (kj! ;) ),
except that I don't have to study any more, and I think you can call me a librarian, even if I'm not actually working.
Still waiting on a wait list at the school I want for the boys,
no job, and no current applications
not much news except one of my favorite things starts up again tomorrow!!!
http://www.boulderfarmers.org/ YAY!
other than letting the house fall to ruin, and barely feeding my children things called meals, I am looking around the yard and our life, and realizing that there are many things that have been left to submit to entropy.
Best discovery of the week has been that I have loved Michael Franti a lot lot longer than I knew, because I knew this band: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Disposable_Heroes_of_Hiphoprisy
(only because of one Steve Pockross, musical explorer extraordinaire and guide, who I was lucky enough to cross paths with)
and so I have loved him since 1992ish, and was re-introduced by another amazing person, Ken Wright, while in Moab. But I didn't know that they were the same guy until this weekend, rocking out with my favorite wonderful man, my very own George.
How many times can I say how blessed I feel to have this family, and to be here now?
It is true every time.
So mostly, just waiting, trusting, and hoping that it will work out smoothly.
except that I don't have to study any more, and I think you can call me a librarian, even if I'm not actually working.
Still waiting on a wait list at the school I want for the boys,
no job, and no current applications
not much news except one of my favorite things starts up again tomorrow!!!
http://www.boulderfarmers.org/ YAY!
other than letting the house fall to ruin, and barely feeding my children things called meals, I am looking around the yard and our life, and realizing that there are many things that have been left to submit to entropy.
Best discovery of the week has been that I have loved Michael Franti a lot lot longer than I knew, because I knew this band: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Disposable_Heroes_of_Hiphoprisy
(only because of one Steve Pockross, musical explorer extraordinaire and guide, who I was lucky enough to cross paths with)
and so I have loved him since 1992ish, and was re-introduced by another amazing person, Ken Wright, while in Moab. But I didn't know that they were the same guy until this weekend, rocking out with my favorite wonderful man, my very own George.
How many times can I say how blessed I feel to have this family, and to be here now?
It is true every time.
So mostly, just waiting, trusting, and hoping that it will work out smoothly.
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