Trophies, part two

So, you ask, what did you do about the trophies? Answer: Nothing.
At least outwardly.
I hoped maybe we would have something legitimate come up, and we would miss the event. I hoped that somehow the parents would drop the ball... I told G basically what I wrote here and he told me that I was effing crazy, and that I should just lock up the kids if I want to avoid this sort of thing. He actually looked a little crazy telling me that I was so crazy!
So I did exactly nothing (except keep my mouth shut, which then again... is something HUGE). The season carried on, the boys did quite well playing soccer together. They had a great coach, who is fun and even tempered, and able to let them do their learning and gave them great support. Most of the families came to every game! This surprised me, apparently everyone else was much more okay with this thing every friday at 5 and half the day Sat.

My parents came to some games, G was into it, I made it to none of the early games, and all of the later ones, and the boys were just adorable. They were really invested in playing, and trying out how it feels to have the upper or lower hand. they were much more evenly matched this year, and there were some games where they weren't sure if they won or lost.

I thought more about this too. (side note) why exactly don't we keep score? I think it's so that the focus doesn't become goals, but come on. EVERY young kid you know wants to know whether they are winning and losing. So I think we lost a lot of opportunities to talk about how it feels when you are the one losing, and to model that behavior with that context. There was definitely some of that, but maybe next year that will happen. I don't know when they start keeping score.

The parents in charge of the "trophy" went to the store with their son, and he picked out a star shaped medallion (about an inch and a half)with a picture of soccer balls in the middle. the ribbon also had soccer balls. so it was a little star shaped neck thing. and it was just totally fine by me. All the boys got to have one at the pizza party after the last game, (yes, i even paid the three dollars) and now R wears it sometimes and thinks about his team. Mostly, I think he likes swinging it around his neck.
Two talented dads teamed up and took pictures of the boys kicking the ball at the games, (action shots) and then made them into little player cards, so now the boys have pics of all their friends.
When they got their necklaces, each boy was told something they did well, and then we gave the coach a gift card to REI.

All the parents and siblings came, it was very social and chaotic and it was a very nice time.


The moral of my story to myself is, to shut the ef up, and watch first. If I had made a protest, it would have made the whole thing so much worse. Thank goodness I have you to suffer through my tortured rant.

Would I do medals my own self? I will answer this the way I answer about food, because now I'm getting better about that too. It matters less what we are eating, if we are gathered together with friends or family. The benefit far outweighs the deconstruction of bonds that tie us together when we throw up walls or refuse outright. If I have my choice, well, then I will do what I can to also hold true to my commitment to food that has been raised consciously, and is connected to me in a meaningful way. And that makes a get-together even more enjoyable.

I am guessing there will be many more of these events. R loves playing, and its fun for him to be physical and have a great guide in his coach. He has been surrounded by me, and many females, and looks as though that may continue at his school, so for him to get to be with his coach, and his dad-that's really important.

Next topic? violence at schools of course. My Knight-loving, shield-brandishing boy, in the montessori environment.
This will wait for another day, when I get fired up enough and pull out all of my research about boys and unload here so I can stay quiet at school. Hey. this could really work out, I may save myself and our family a lot of grief!

Maybe I'm finally understanding that teaching "do nothing", isn't that buddhist? or am i making it up?

Illustrated by

technical difficulties.
I can't get a picture from my phone to this screen. I have now loaded it three ways on my computer, and the web, and I can't find it.
sigh.
lame post for today then, huh.
time to check on the laundry

Plus Six!

Visual Aides

benefits of waiting

So, for some of my (five) dear readers, it will seem utterly sensible that I kept the placentas from both boys' births in the freezer. We were waiting to be able to plant them under a tree, hopefully on a new piece of land that we would own. Well, we had lots of hopes over the last years about some goals that we'd like to meet.
We really wanted to expand the house for a second floor, for more information, see various tortured writings earlier on, when it was still in the rotation. We really really wanted a place, some land, to call ours, and to plant a little yurt on. We had several grumpy new years, one particularly memorable after Rowan was born, when I was being my normal list-happy self and asked George what kind of goals he wanted to write on the list. He, in a foul manner i may add, said that he was writing NO LIST because the thing he wanted still hadn't changed!
Well, yes.
So, as you can see, there will be no list again for George, because we didn't get a magic pass to get land. BUT.
A few years ago, our beautiful, old crabapple that took up the back half of the yard got fireblight and died slowly. We denied it a long while, until one of the large limbs fell off while we were in the front yard. (thank goodness)
As my wonderful friend in CT said, maybe good, maybe bad. Well, it opened up the whole back of the yard when George put on his chainsaw pants and went to town, and then tortured his body by using a huge stumpgrinder to take apart the stump. (picture a large circular blade bouncing up and down on burled, hard old wood stump)
We sparred over what would go back there:
me, GARDEN BEDS! CHICKEN COOP!
george, NONONO, COMPOST BIN,PLAY GYM, ROOM FOR SOCCER and GRASS!
somehow, as often happens, we found the middle ground, got a new garden bed, a chicken coop, a compost bin, a new play structure (as the boys call it) room for soccer AND grass! yowza!
and then a couple of shade-less years went past, me demanding fruit trees! and eventually just asking for ANY TREES! A tree for mothers day! a tree for graduation! a tree for my birthday!
And as the year is now winding up, I turned another year older, and the placentas filled out their 5 and 3 year marks in our freezer (well noted on the package) George DUG HOLES!
And then and then, this very day he moved the car seats to the jeep, packed up the boys and came home with two beautiful trees. a pear, and some kind of purple leaf cherry. Neither make fruit for people, but both flower in the spring. !! We don't think we can fight the insane squirrels in the area, even if we actually shoot all the ones we can see. (we don't shoot them, though I wish I did sometimes)
The boys each assigned themselves a tree. Naturally Rowan took the bigger one, the pear, and Milo, the red-leafed cutie. I couldn't believe it was happening, but took the placentas out of their long home at the bottom of the freezer, and let them defrost. George dug and dug and prepared, and measured, and tamped, and dug and mixed soil and dug (in the hot sun). The boys watched from their perch on the play structure. I took lots of pictures. We let the sausages on teh grill cook too long, because now all of a sudden we have more than an hour less of sunshine, and set the root balls in the beautifully constructed holes over the top of their buried placentas, and voila! we have new family members here on the corner. They will keep us good company, and I will try my damndest to get them water so that they can thrive.
The benefit of waiting was that each boy helped cover his placenta (and yes, they know what they are) and then watched as this tree was set over top. it was like a little belly button in reverse! May these trees grow strong, and well, and old.
And our little boys too.

Even grandpas get them

The boys' grandfather goes to tournaments all over, and does trap shooting, and has really gotten into it lately. Last one was hosted in their hometown, so naturally he had to be there.
What did he get for competing? why. A TROPHY of course.

Likeable=agree, unlikeable=disagree?

So I just got the info on R's first soccer game. And I'm all in a tizzy, which I must work out before I have to actually talk to anyone. But a cursory search brought me this very post.

http://www.mommasaid.net/mommablog/2009/08/31/lets-stop-giving-trophies-just-for-showing-up/

I can't do the trophy thing. Why do I always have to be the one who sounds like the asshole? In Spring, r's first season, I felt so lucky to be on one of those teams where the kids go to the games (where they don't keep score) and then they finish going to those games and carry on to the next fun thing. And now, new coach, new plan, 6 dollars for a showing up trophy that represents many things that I don't agree with.
I have read too much Alfie Kohn. I have too much of an idea of intrinsic motivation, I am admittedly inept at any and all team sports, I am a crazy mother who wants trophies to make sense. I have a friend who wrote a damn thesis on motivation for her Masters in Education.
The real problem isn't my views. If you know me at all, you know that I generally wander from the main line, and I negotiate the world in a fairly healthy way. But the thing is, that I also just want to be friendly with pretty much most people I meet, and I also have a pretty deep need to be liked. Even by strangers, but moreso by people I know.
And I don't think I'm the only one who equates "agreeing" and being likeable and then of course "disagreeing" as the very unlikeable way to be.
So now, is there a likeable way of disagreeing? there must be, for someone with way more social finesse than I have. For now I will be quiet and think. I will try my damndest to feel it all out, and then see what happens. I've been working on this. And now, you can see, that you have not been spared my late-night writing--but have been thrown right in the damn middle of it.
Don't even get me started on the furniture in the living room so that I can deal with our new TV.
Even without late-night canning I am still awake at 11. Hrmph.

Up and running

Well, we did it. by some stretch of a miracle, both boys got into the school I was sure they needed to be at (despite pretty large odds) and I found a job that fits the best it possibly could into the space that school for the boys has made.

I spent many sleepless nights writing obsessively in my journal (you were spared) and many days obsessively searching library jobline (again) and then my other scattered moments trying to figure out how to reconcile a career with this job of raising our children.

I think that this task that all of us, but especially mothers are asked to do -- is to walk on a tightwire. Between getting swallowed up somewhere, or somehow managing to make a space that holds us true. I know that having children can swallow up some folks. and others it sort of maybe feels more like suffocation. I heard a small piece on NPR which was the recordings of kids moving into their new places to live for school starting... the older students moving to a new apartment, and then... the freshmen, with their moms. Saying goodbye, and trying to make sense of this new phase.
One of the moms said point blank that she needs her kids more than they need her, and another was so glad to be seeing this day of goodbye. It's the whole spectrum of how we do parenting, and how we have these relationships in our lives...
It was extra powerful for me, listening to those kids and moms--having just dropped the boys off at school, and made my way straight home... to do... something, everything, nothing!
How can I do all three simultaneously?
After finishing school, and having a crazy wild fabulous summer of all sorts of events and unusual happenings, I think the boys are big fans of knowing what the hell they will be doing when the wake up, and where they will be doing it. I for one am trying to figure out how to have my work, keep up with the Friday folders, volunteering, lunches, and time frames oh yeah, and feed us all. Even with G's help, it's a lot for us both. Last night, apple sauce. Canning at midnight is much harder with the 6am wakeup, that is for sure. I can say it is such satisfying work though, to be cooking something that will fill our bellies when there is no apple growing in this state for the next 9 months.
Soccer is gearing up again for R and G. that means... practice Friday night, game for R sat, game for G sun.
Doesn't that feel like a lot of soccer to you? I'm really of half a mind to not sign the kids up for anything, even really fun stuff, because it just means more running around. and then our eating together gets all crammed up, and we are more strung out. Luckily, this is only 10 weeks, and then I mean it--nothing else!

plus six

Garden upgrade

Last year, in addition to a chicken coop and dual part compost bin, George built a second raised bed for gardening. we planted it with five corn kernels, dry beans and a yellow pear tomato plant, along with a row of sunflowers.
The tomato plant went gonzo, and took over almost the entire bed, and three of the corn stalks grew. the beans were not particularly successful really, and in general, the sunflowers were the most prolific of the bed.
In the other bed, I didn't plant any squash, but some volunteers came up, and i was excited about them, and for the first year, I planted zinnias (and some marigolds) and the flowers were stunning. The silly squashes turned out to be gourds, and even after two plantings, no green beans came up. so our "food" garden was mostly inedible, with exception of the basil... which we didn't grow enough of-- our pesto store went away almost by christmas, and that is about six months short of what we need.

So this year, I'm going to try and get FOOD out of this garden. Not like we don't have tons rolling in from Monroe Farms (thank goodness) but it is nice to pull some salad greens from outside (I've heard) and I would like to learn how to grow some greens mostly.

the boys spend a lot of time harvesting worms for the chickens. can this negatively affect my soil? I hope not.

We're going to redo the timber around the big one now that it's literally falling apart, so i'm off to find some beetle kill wood. pictures to follow of the progress. so far, already peas, spinach, butterhead lettuce and some mesclun growing... even through our mid may snow.

see?

Already I'm more present here! :) and I'm recovering from school too, as the weeks go on.

An update: The boys got spaces in the school I wanted for them. I don't know exactly how, some miracle, some good chance- with Milo being younger and that being the opening class. I feel so glad to know and am now working on how we'll become a family with two kids in school all day. It has snuck up on me (and early b/c of Milo's program that is only offered 8-2:50) and I try to imagine us having so much less choice about what we do when we wake up. I don't say this lightly, and I know that many families don't have the luxury of what we've had these past years here. But today the boys were playing making an ocean on the window sill and I thought about how hard it is to make sure that they have time to decide what to do next.

this documentary came out last week here, and I think it may be talking about this same topic at a much larger level. http://www.racetonowhere.com/trailer I didn't get to see it yet.

we have a snow covered yard today, in mid may! And there are crazy things afoot. Today the comcast person comes to install cable to our new television. ! yes, we have spent our last ten or more years without television.
but cable + TV = less money than tickets to South Africa
and both George and I enjoy visual media, it's just not a very high priority.
We also have enjoyed avoiding so much commercialism and violence (which are in large amounts on tv and cable), for ourselves and our boys.
Yet. I'm reading this book called "Raising Financially Fit Kids" which talks about teaching our children how to be responsible with money, and that is through practice and experience in making decisions and living with the consequences.
These are the same things we do as parents in all areas of life, help our children find out in the gentlest ways possible that certain things aren't great ideas.
I feel like it's about time to model the kinds of behavior we think is healthy with the TV too. Choosing not to watch TV when there isn't one isn't a very active choice, but having it, and still opting to read, play outside, ride our bikes, work on our projects, use our computers for other things, and generally carry on instead of watching it seems to be a bit more active modeling.
We all have different tolerance levels for screen time, and different values for what it's for and I have no beef with television watching any more than I have a beef with vegetarianism (to use a terrible metaphor!). It's just what makes us interesting and different-to have different focus and intent with our lives and the way we raise our kids.

new tactic

I like almost everything that google does, except that for crazies like me who have more than one address, i cannot be in any programs for the one, if i have the other open.
This has caused a big problem with this blog, since it is in the OTHER account that doesnt have my email, calendar, and reader... and means that I barely ever get here!

so anywho. that's my story and anyway, We survived!

I passed comps, and my Place exam (for teacher licensure) and managed to almost miss signing up for graduation, except for a well timed reminder to "opt in" to the graduation ceremony on the very final day. That would have been something, huh? to do everything else, but not go into a specific page and press the "yes" button for actual attendance to the ceremony!

Today it's may 12 and we're preparing for snow (!) so i cut down almost all of my glorious irises and now they are looking like a decadent arrangement in the living room.

What to do about my favorite lilac bushes? I only got one or two blooms to stand next to and huff over and over, trying to bring that scent inside of me. Lilacs are so heavenly.

that's all folks

the only news is that we have to wait more for everything (kj! ;) ),
except that I don't have to study any more, and I think you can call me a librarian, even if I'm not actually working.
Still waiting on a wait list at the school I want for the boys,
no job, and no current applications
not much news except one of my favorite things starts up again tomorrow!!!
http://www.boulderfarmers.org/ YAY!

other than letting the house fall to ruin, and barely feeding my children things called meals, I am looking around the yard and our life, and realizing that there are many things that have been left to submit to entropy.

Best discovery of the week has been that I have loved Michael Franti a lot lot longer than I knew, because I knew this band: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Disposable_Heroes_of_Hiphoprisy
(only because of one Steve Pockross, musical explorer extraordinaire and guide, who I was lucky enough to cross paths with)
and so I have loved him since 1992ish, and was re-introduced by another amazing person, Ken Wright, while in Moab. But I didn't know that they were the same guy until this weekend, rocking out with my favorite wonderful man, my very own George.

How many times can I say how blessed I feel to have this family, and to be here now?
It is true every time.

So mostly, just waiting, trusting, and hoping that it will work out smoothly.

Before and after

That's when I am posting this quarter. I just finished my final quarter at DU. Now all that's left is the shouting. (in the form of a written exam, anyway) It is typed on computers, and we're so high tech, that we'll be putting our final exams onto good old three inch floppies.
Enough about that, it's over, and the day after I turned in my last paper, Rowan had his first day of soccer practice. In our house, this is a major event. We were all tense. Partially because a short week or two before, the organizers called us and asked if we or anyone we knew would be able to coach the team. (!)
This set off a good number of alarm bells in George from the soccer perspective, and me from the teaching perspective. We fretted. Rowan fretted about what would happen, what to wear, how he didn't know anyone. It was a pretty big deal.
Then we showed up, and Miguel, the godfather of one of the kids on the team, was just perfect. Just five kids, a bunch of siblings running around. No stress, a sunny warmish day, and the boys, kicking around soccer balls, just like they do in the yard. They did some cute little runs around, and a few things, and I approved of the teaching, and George approved of the soccer, and Rowan loved every minute. Even running over to us and getting a drink from the water bottle.
Phew. Heaven help us all!
I've been on pins and needles about that, about if I would get called for a substitute position i applied for in Jefferson County Public Libraries, and about the comprehensive exam... and of course, the biggest source of my nail biting and obsessive journaling (not good reading i can tell you that.)Is where the boys will be next year.
Still don't know that, still haven't taken comps, do know that I messed up the online application so no chance on the job,[thank goodness for lessons like this] and in a short time, It'll ALL be resolved.
George is schlepping back and forth to Portland, and I think he's getting weary. It's hard for us to have him gone, and hard for him to be gone so much. But after the great soccer practice for Rowan, George got to ride bikes with us downtown to Steele a Deal (our last of those) and to get a glimpse of the St. Pattys parade. Then an afternoon of climbing, and some great meals with the family. We got a weekend to refill our family love cup, after too long of all of us dragging with some kind of a cold, and the ugliness and cold of February.
Here we are now with the time change, and the computers even were rid of their viruses... We made it to almost-spring! That's all we need, even if it snows, we know the show is the birds singing and the grass greening show, not the big frigid winter show.
We're in the sad food months, with the winter share ended and the summer share three long months away. It's grim in the fridge and on the table except when I pull out the stuff from the freezer. Or the jars... still good on tomatoes and delicious jam. My favorite foods? Bread butter and jam. Close your eyes, remember what it looked like before you cut it or mashed it into heaven in a jar. This year I did AWESOME... with Pomona's Pectin as my best friend, and Raspberries from Berry patch farm, Strawberries from Monroes, grapes from Rebecca's neighbor, and peaches from the First Fruits. YUM. yum. yummmmm.

You see Rowan in his new game digs, complete with real cleats and his very own uniform. And Milo with his new ball (which he went to sleep with tonight) these kids are hilarious. I hope you are seeing the spring light at the end of the winter tunnel. Wish us luck on the lottery we want to win (for school) and of course, mental power to study for the next two weeks for comps before i sit down and do the shouting.

new thing on the side

I know, i know, everyone has a blogroll. Now I do too. Take a peek. I love each of these authors, and I think you will too!

compost concerns

We got a letter saying that our beloved compost pilot program is shutting down in March. I think this is one of the best things that Denver is doing, and has really affected our lives in a positive way. You already know this, because I raved about it, and even included a picture of our darling green compost bin. After startling success, they are dropping the program entirely instead of making it an option to the Denver community. Here is what they wrote to us:
“So far, your efforts have resulted in:
-31 pounds of compostable material per home, per week during the growing season
-12 pounds of compostable material per home, per week during the winter
To date, more than 1,200 tons of organic materials kept out of the landfill and turned into nutrient-rich compost
To put these results in perspective, a non-composting home in Denver sets out an average of 52 pounds of trash a week. So imagine the positive impact we could have if every Denver household was composting and recycling each week.”

I was startled to see this article on the front page of the Post Saturday: http://www.denverpost.com/search/ci_14109065 instead of an article about the success and boon that a composting program might have for reducing the size of our landfill.

Here is a blog that says a few words about the program, and may be a way to get more information.
http://denvercomposts.blogspot.com/
I have just read and signed the petition: "Denver City Compost Program".
It takes just 30 seconds to sign the petition, but can truly make a difference. We are trying to reach 5000 signatures - please sign here:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/denver-city-compost-program
Once you have signed, you can help even more by asking your friends and family to sign as well.