Up and running

Well, we did it. by some stretch of a miracle, both boys got into the school I was sure they needed to be at (despite pretty large odds) and I found a job that fits the best it possibly could into the space that school for the boys has made.

I spent many sleepless nights writing obsessively in my journal (you were spared) and many days obsessively searching library jobline (again) and then my other scattered moments trying to figure out how to reconcile a career with this job of raising our children.

I think that this task that all of us, but especially mothers are asked to do -- is to walk on a tightwire. Between getting swallowed up somewhere, or somehow managing to make a space that holds us true. I know that having children can swallow up some folks. and others it sort of maybe feels more like suffocation. I heard a small piece on NPR which was the recordings of kids moving into their new places to live for school starting... the older students moving to a new apartment, and then... the freshmen, with their moms. Saying goodbye, and trying to make sense of this new phase.
One of the moms said point blank that she needs her kids more than they need her, and another was so glad to be seeing this day of goodbye. It's the whole spectrum of how we do parenting, and how we have these relationships in our lives...
It was extra powerful for me, listening to those kids and moms--having just dropped the boys off at school, and made my way straight home... to do... something, everything, nothing!
How can I do all three simultaneously?
After finishing school, and having a crazy wild fabulous summer of all sorts of events and unusual happenings, I think the boys are big fans of knowing what the hell they will be doing when the wake up, and where they will be doing it. I for one am trying to figure out how to have my work, keep up with the Friday folders, volunteering, lunches, and time frames oh yeah, and feed us all. Even with G's help, it's a lot for us both. Last night, apple sauce. Canning at midnight is much harder with the 6am wakeup, that is for sure. I can say it is such satisfying work though, to be cooking something that will fill our bellies when there is no apple growing in this state for the next 9 months.
Soccer is gearing up again for R and G. that means... practice Friday night, game for R sat, game for G sun.
Doesn't that feel like a lot of soccer to you? I'm really of half a mind to not sign the kids up for anything, even really fun stuff, because it just means more running around. and then our eating together gets all crammed up, and we are more strung out. Luckily, this is only 10 weeks, and then I mean it--nothing else!